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It's Time to Come to an Agreement

Updated: Apr 19, 2023

Today's society is perhaps more polarized than ever. The handling of the corona pandemic is an example of a factor that shows how divided society is around the world. The climate is another. However, it is not only on the macro level that people have difficulty getting along; conflicts are everywhere and all the time. Between partners, between children and parents, siblings and work colleagues.

The root of conflict

Getting along doesn't mean you have to think alike. Why is it a problem to think differently and still accept each other? Logically, this is not a problem in most cases. Even so, we spend a lot of energy arguing and getting angry about other people's opinions.

More often than you think, the root of conflicts is not the issue itself. The issue is rather a symptom or expression of something else. It becomes something to hide behind. A way to hide that you don't feel seen, heard or that you hurt inside.

The will to agree must be with you

In order to agree, there must be a will to agree. That desire must begin with ourselves. We cannot wait for the other party to change.

A good starting point for reaching consensus with others is to start reflecting on yourself. Would I feel the same if I had a different background? Was I at a different age? In another time or culture? If my experiences and knowledge were different?

It does not take much reflection to see that our position on a particular issue is not necessarily absolute and correct. Even so, we need a certain amount of courage to dare to challenge our own positions. You will discover that the basis of one's beliefs is often precisely the need to be right, the need to be confirmed and accepted. These feelings form the basis of our pride and it can hurt to see and admit this.

When we begin to discover these mechanisms in ourselves, we have got a "handle" on our attitude. This will be our entrance. From here we can start working towards a change.

Change leads to development

Which is the best meditation?

Why should we reevaluate? Within us we have that voice that still insists that we are right and that therefore there is no reason to do anything.

Now we come to the point of this blog post:

We have to let go of our pride in order to meet others. We must let go of our pride in order to evolve.


Giving up pride does not necessarily mean that you radically change your mind - it can be enough to accept that it may not turn out as you want or imagined. Within the framework of that acceptance, there is also a calmness and a trust that what is happening is what is meant to be.

Consider the alternative: If we were to do nothing about our pride, we will continue to insist that we are right and others are wrong; we will continue to seek confirmation even where we cannot get it. Circumstances and people may come and go, but we are stuck in the same pattern of blaming others and complaining. It has become our prison.

Acceptance comes naturally

Within us we have something that can be called a true self, an existence of truth. A truth that is a living existence filled with peace, acceptance and wisdom. It is a treasure that every person carries.

The problem is that this treasure is covered by our mind world, where our pride resides. Now that we have been able to identify our pride, our mission becomes to get rid of it and uncover our true self.

Meditation is the way to do this. We see our pride. Often it expresses itself as a strong resistance or anger, frustration or a hurt feeling. We note it. We admit it to ourselves. Then we let it disappear. We can let it burn in a fire or be sucked into a black hole. Or we can let it dissolve itself. The important thing here is that we fully admit to ourselves without trying to rationalize or explain anything away.

Over time, we notice that the situations, people, or opinions that previously made us furious, obstinate, or concerned no longer have any closer impact on us. It is highly likely that we can also take in new points of view and see aspects that we were previously blind to.

We have thus become wiser, more pleasant and more understanding. We no longer judge the outside world so harshly. We may also not judge ourselves so harshly or cling to unattainable demands on ourselves. A world where we can be wrong, meet and laugh at ourselves has opened up. It's a beautiful world.


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