I have never been a happy person. Although I have had a good time. Had a good upbringing, had good health, did relatively well in school and work. I have never had any real appreciation for anything, I have not been able to see any real meaning in my life. When things have gone my way, of course I've been satisfied, but soon after I've always felt empty or looking for something new or worried that it wasn't good enough after all.
What happened to me after the meditation? I would describe it as an inner spiritual maturity. A maturity where acceptance is central. An acceptance of life, of other people, of myself and my shortcomings. An inner peace. I have started to appreciate things that I didn't before. The nature, the animals, the changes of the seasons. Before, I couldn't help but compare myself and put myself down when I saw those who were better than me. It was so important what people thought of me. Everything unimportant was so important. It was so important that I did the right thing. It was so important that I was the best, that I looked good, that I was smart. Today, none of that is important. I am no longer jealous of others. Such things no longer matter.
In every action progress is made. Not necessarily progress as we imagine. But progress in spiritual maturity. To give up one's pride. Overcoming a fear. To say sorry. These are things we all need to do in life. It's circumstances like these that move us forward.
The more we let go of our thoughts and the stress and anxiety associated with our thoughts, the freer we become. There will be a shift in perspective from ourselves to an objective and all-encompassing perspective. A space appears within us is created. This space is peaceful and free.
A core of happiness has formed within me. Before, I had a core of worry and anxiety. Today I have a core of unshakable happiness. It is difficult to describe this happiness in any other way than a place where there is peace and a trust that everything is taken care of. The more we lean into this trust, the freer we become from burdens. A freedom from burdens and worries is the very meaning of happiness. From this place we want to live for other people.
We all have this place within us, we just need to uncover it. How do we uncover it? It happens with meditation. To see and peel off something that rubs inside us every day. It's a process that takes time and patience, but it's worth it. It is truly worth it.
Michael